I don’t want to go back in time,
Behold the youth I have lost
For I will get blind in the face of time
I don’t want to go ahead in time either
Expect the old I deserve
For I will be an idiot in the sense of time
I don’t even want to be in this present time
I don’t.. I just ..I am
I just want time
To sometimes give me some time
To catchup with it
But I don’t seem to get any
I always fall behind
The clock ticking away my sanity
Perhaps I have been wrong all this time
Perhaps I’m wasting my time
Trying to get a hold of it
Perhaps I should give a hold of myself to time
And just wait for MY time
But whose got time for that?
I don’t.. I just .. I am
I don’t want no time at all
Yes, I want something beyond that
I want the time to be over
is death what you call It?
I call it infinity.
O Death! Come at me
Like freedom’s blue breeze
O Death! Devour me in
Like a storm within
I’m not afraid of death
Though I used to be.
But not anymore.
I’m more afraid, more afraid of the death of the people I love.
People I care for.
I’m afraid of being dead while being alive.
My fears are my realities.
I’m not dying.
But I’m dying.
Lets begin it the cliche way , so, What really is music? According to my know-it-almost-all Uncle aka Google, rationally, music is defined as “vocal or instrumental sounds (or both) combined in such a way as to produce beauty of form, harmony, and expression of emotion.” And Irrationally,in the famous words of Victor Hugo (by the way he is not my uncle) “Music expresses that which cannot be put into words and that which cannot remain silent”. Music is the common human denominator. All cultures have it. All cultures share it. Music itself isn’t an emotion, Nope, rather it is an unexplained manifestation of emotions that is uniquely human. It is a barrier which allows to flow emotions, but the warmth of sun is not the same for everyone, and everyone doesn’t appreciate it, same is the case with music. For some its a hallmark of Adolescence, some depressed people listen to music to escape,transcendent from reality then for others its one of many steps to become ‘cool’ then some suggest that its prohibited, duh, but the one thing that no one denies is that it is somewhat addictive as listening to music releases dopamine, (the molecule behind our most sinful behaviors and secret cravings) oxytocin and arginine vasopressin (AVP), two hormones associated with emotion Listening to good and sundry music (in a reasonable limit) is like a spiritual journey of the whole world; some songs takes you to the depths of Bosporus making you drown in your shallowness, some takes you to the mountains of kirkjufell making you feel the cold of your conscience and igniting a fire of sorrows then some takes you to the ruins of Athens bringing back memories of where it all started, how it used to be and how much you have come along, then there are some pieces which takes you to the forests of Amazon making you feel all lost In the darkness of your light even though you’re not if you just focus onto the light Then some takes you to the avenues of Vienna where you wanna dance your happiness away in its everlasting music of lasting ecstasy with the love of your life and some, just simply makes you feel like home where everything is all merry but still something is missing.
Echo of her goodbye
didn’t hurt at all
it just pierced
through my ears
What we had
is all gone
What is gone
was all I had
All I had…….
Once upon a lifetime
in another existence,
in another unreal actuality,
in another forgotten reminiscence
I went for a stride
to garner my broken dreams,
mend’em, heartache by heartache
and embrace’em wholeheartedly, by all means.
Just as I left my pretentious shelter behind
cold winds of reality gave me a warm reception
pain of it tearing up my eyes, freezing lips
numbing heart, hindering me to utter affection.
I struggled to breath with all my might
tried exhaling the rampant agony
and inhaling the fumes of betrayals
but all tries were absolutely nugatory
I choked on emotions that ceased to subside
fell in the pit of insanity, writhing in vain
dying every second just to be alive the other
’cause there are some wild fantasies that you can’t really tame.
I’m not happy but I am not sad either
I’m not good but I am not bad either
I’m not rich but I am not broke either
I’m not lost but I am not home either
I’m not intelligent but I’m not dumb either
I’m not emotional but I’m not numb either
I am not low but I am not high either
I’m not dead but I am not alive either
I’m in that middle state
Of self loathing, and self hate
Where I can’t seem to find my way around reality
Constantly getting crushed between the walls of nonentity
Do you ever feel a void in you, a sense of nothingness in an eternal manner? Like a black hole devoured all your thoughts, feelings, emotions, memories; traces of that warm yet grave smile in the deep corner of your heart, those wise words said in an ambiguous tone in the back of your mind, vestiges of those affectionate embraces which mean the whole world to you, on every inch of your skin. Boom! everything’s gone like nothing was never anywhere, when? Never! That’s why its been everywhere, screaming its fade existence and its been so everywhere that you don’t need a where, you don’t even need a when that’s how every or maybe empty it gets and there you’re stuck with blue and mellow silhouettes of nullity with quiet and doleful liquid ready to be poured down on your palms through your eyes; if only by shedding these drops of salty liquid we could change the lines of our hands, but, can we? so you sit there with a barrier of numbness holding everything back even your liveliness.
Like sky-walking; the skill of walking on a wire between two mountains; to live is to walk straight on a fragile wire, called Life, suspended between two days of your existence; the day you were born and the day you are going to die, but its not that simple as it sounds, there will be a pile of responsibilities on your head, every now and then,winds of betrayals and disappointments will blow and mere illusions like others have more thicker and broader wire to walk on or the treacherous winds are only roaring for you will deceive you to throw you off balance, making you stumble upon your mistakes and its absolutely okay if you fall in to the gorge of nothingness and feel isolated because darkness and isolation are the exact things which will make you appreciate emancipation so its okay if you find yourself afar from walking that wire called life again, fret not, kiddo there’s always a way up for sedulous believers. All you have to do is hold onto vitality, never give-up and always continuing your struggle and eventually you’ll find your way up but nullity will leave you nothing but empty days and sleepless nights and wolves of regret will slowly eat you in that tenebrous gorge blinding you with the murk of pain till the end of your days, rotting your precious quiddity away and I see that as a great loss to humanity. So the thing is, vitality is essential to conclude your journey of life and believe me, with love in one hand and hate in the other, accompanied by their right balance you can even dance your way through life with a constellation prize of death at the end.